Oh my god... I feel so tired. I wonder why. I should spend my afternoons resting instead of going to bugis. But Eugene's going to the army soon, I guess it's all right if i do my part as a friend and spend his last few moments with him! Sooooooooo tired. But i can't sleep till after 4am. Work ends then.

Met with with Xiao Zhang today at bugis. He's reading my blog too. Apparently quite a lot of people are reading it. Thanks i greatly encourage it. Its a good way to keep in touch with people and know how everyone is doing.

My encounter with Xiao Zhang is something to remember. Gist of the conversation :-
Xiao Zhang: Ord or not yet?
Me: No leh...
Xiao Zhang: You should be going to study after ORD right?
Me: Dun know leh... Why?
Xiao Zhang: Haha surely go and study one mah, or else for you wasted.
(Brief silence)
Me: dunno see first... why wasted leh?
Xiao Zhang: Haha cause you talented ma.
(Great silence)
*End of conversation*

I've already forgotten what I was. I used to hold myself in high regard. I knew I was good in what i did and if i set my mind to it. Nobody could stop me. I was respected by friends and family alike for daring to act and for for having high morals. I was a chief figure in my secondary school and I recognised leadership and exploited my strong points. I was good at what I did and I knew it.

Today is a much different story. I've lost my will to fight on, to push on. I've lost the moral courage and determination I once had. I've forgotten what it feels like to be good. To be the best in what you did. I've started my path. On becoming a Loser. I would have continued down this path if i had not received this wake up call.

Thank you Xiao Zhang.

Life is a game. There's no proper ending to it tho. But contrary to popular belief, you can restart the game everytime you want. You just have to clear your mind, sort of like clearing a cache in your internet browser. People have asked me this many times, don't you feel anguish, sadness and demoralised when your business fails? When your relationship ends? Yes i do. I feel demoralised and i feel like shit. What do you do? Do you brood over it and mourn for 7 7 49 days? No. You spend 1 sleepless night thinking about what went wrong. How you messed up, and you hit the reset button. You clear your cache and reset your attributes. You try something else with a new approach. Or you try the same thing with a different view. Stop playing the same character if you are hitting an invisible wall. Try new characters. Give yourself a chance. But here's a warning to everyone reading this. Never try to play the evil villian or compromise your moral values. That is something i will not do.


Oh and 1 last thing. Watch more animes ;). I've picked this up from my brother. Watch more movies (but i really recommend animes). They each carry a very special meaning behind the whole concept of the series. Here are some of the things that i've felt during these animes.

Prince of tennis:- Learn to evolve and go against the strongest opponent you can. Only be evolving yourself and constant improvement can u remain to be the best in what you do.

Gundam Seed:- Know your purpose in what you are doing. Only with a good purpose and strong beliefs in what you do, can make you an even stronger person. Oh and Gundam also reconfirmed an insight of mine. (the part when he and frey were together and his desire to protect frey was stronger.) Having a female partner can be a very powerful thing if she shares your ideal. It can make you do the impossible.

One Piece:- Be true to yourself.

(0) So Waddaya Think! 7:56:00 AM